


Dodgers and Creams

by Herminbean



Series: Doctor Doctor [2]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Humor, Multiple Doctors (Doctor Who), Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 11:07:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16785739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herminbean/pseuds/Herminbean
Summary: The Doctor is running from a living maze, and escapes into his TARDIS. At least, he thinks he does





	Dodgers and Creams

The Doctor quickly did the maths in his head. Taking into the account the variables he figured he had spent about a third of his lives running. 67% of that third was running from something, 32% running towards something, and the final percent was lost to him, but he was certain he was running because his legs usually hurt. He mulled the numbers in his head and wondered how many times he had actually ran from foliage. He came to the conclusion that the average person ran from hedges approximately never, so he figured whatever his number was the answer was “too much”.

“Doctor, I can’t find you.” A panicked voice echoed around him. 

“It’s a maze. I believe that is the idea.” The Doctor shouted back, spinning around on the spot trying to locate the direction of the voice. He looked the way he came and saw the hedges morphing together in a crushing manner. He took a wild guess that she probably wasn’t that way and decided that a left would be best. He darted down the hallway of leaves as the way behind him closed off. 

He had planned this to be a nice relaxing day out, but as always, the universe had other plans. When he got out of here, he told himself, he really must talk to the gardener. Sentient hedges are one thing, but sentient hedges that crush you if you take too long to get out? The Doctor liked a bit of danger as much as the next person, but he had the sneaking suspicion that anybody who wondered in here hoping for a relaxing time would be a bit miffed to find themselves flattened by leaves.

The Doctor took another left and clattered into body. The body clung to him and looked around desperately.

“Doctor, I lost Rory.” It said in a panic.

The Doctor sighed in annoyance. Of course she lost Rory. When did Amelia Pond NOT lose Rory? Before he had a chance to scold her, the path behind him slammed close. He took her hand and led her the other way.

“What about Rory?” Amy demanded.

“Amelia, this is Rory. He’s got more lives than I have.” The Doctor twisted another corner dragging Amy behind him.

“We can’t just leave him.” Amy snapped.

The Doctor stopped running and laughed to himself. “Leave him. That was a good one.” He turned to Amy, her face twisted into a scowl. “Ah, right, not intentional, serious moment. Sorry. Although, come on. “Leave”.” The Doctor spun on the spot waving his hand around.

“Doctor.” Amy shouted in frustration.

“Right right, on it.” The Doctor took Amy’s hand again and went back to running. “Don’t worry, we’ll find him. We just need to find the TARDIS.”

“And how do you suggest we do that?” Amy panted. “We could barely find each other.”

“Amelia Pond, you know the TARDIS and I have a special connection. If I don’t find her, she will find me.” The Doctor assured her.

Amy pretended to gag, much to the Doctors annoyance.

“Hey, you don’t hear me mocking you and Rory when you do this “Together forever” stuff.” He said in a pitch much higher than he meant.

“Yes you do.”

“But when I do it, it’s adorable.”

“Doctor.”

“OK, maybe adorable isn’t the right word to use to describe the oncoming storm. Charming? Bewitching?” The Doctor turned to Amy, jogging backwards, and clapped his hands together. “Winsome. That’s the word. I’m winsome.”

“Doctor, it’s the…”

The Doctor spun back around and clattered head first into a big blue blob. It moaned at him in protest, and he did the same. Rubbing his head, he whipped out his TARDIS key.

“Told you I’d find it.” He shoved his key into the lock and opened the doors hastily as the hedges behind him closed off again. “Inside, quick.”

The two rushed inside, slamming the doors behind them. A second later the whole place jolted. The Doctor rushed to the console, pressing buttons and pulling levers.

“Right, need to lock onto Rory. Should be a lot easier in here. I really should tag you two with some kind of tracking device.” The Doctor ran around the console trying to find the right button. It seemed to have moved. He hated it when it did that. “Actually, scratch that. That sounds very Big Brother. Don’t write that idea down, Amy.”

The Doctor bashed the TARDIS console. She was really misbehaving today. No time for this, he thought to her. Rory was counting on him…again. 

“What’s wrong with you girl, let’s get going.” He darted around the console flapping his hands around in frustration. “I need…I need…”

He crossed his arms and leant against a pillar, deep in thought. Then, he spotted what he needed.

“A hammer, that’s what I need.” He snatched it off befuddled man who was holding it. “Thank you.”

The Doctor rushed up the console and raised the hammer above his head. That’s where it stayed. Slowly, he turned back to the hammer man. He was a little on the older side, by human standards. The Doctor was certain he wasn’t here when he had left.

“Who the Skaro are you?” The Doctor demanded.

It was at this moment the Doctor noticed his TARDIS. It was all ugly and different. The Doctor scrunched up his face. What on earth had caused her to redecorate? Or did this mystery man have something to do with it? Although it could have something to do with the other two humans who were also in his TARDIS.

“Well, nice of you to stop moving for a second.” A new voice came from behind him.

The Doctor turned to see a blonde lady wearing his favourite pair of welding goggles. Despite her being the one who was wearing his things, she was the one who seemed annoyed. 

“Who are you?” The Doctor turned on his scary face. “And what are you doing in my TARDIS?”

The Lady threw her hands up in exasperation. “Seriously? Did I really use to be so clueless?” She held up the tool in her hand and turned it on. “Take your time.”

The Doctor looked at the tool. It was different, of course, but there was no mistaking a Sonic Screwdriver. The Doctor looked around the TARDIS, then back to the lady.

“Oh, you’re…”

“I am.”

“And this is…”

“It is.”

The Doctor lowered the hammer. He hated when he looked foolish, but he especially hated it when he made himself look foolish. In his life that happened more often than not.

“Well, this is awkward.” He said, rubbing his hands together.

“Doctor, who is this?” The female human asked, stepping forward.

Amy looked over at the new Doctor. “Doctor? Why did she just call that woman Doctor?”

The silence in the TARDIS was deafening. The two Doctors looked at each other. The new Doctor widened her eyes and bit her lips. The Doctor recognised that look, even on the new face. Explaining this was always a pain. This time, best to just move on.

The Doctor burst into motion, spinning around the TARDIS, his arms open wide. “Oh, wow, this place is…” He struggled to find a compliment. He saw the patterns on the wall. “…hive-y.”

The new Doctor rushed over to him excitedly. “Right, isn’t it gorgeous?” She held up a finger as if just remembering something. “Ooh ooh, you’ll love this.”

She ran over excitedly to her console. She beamed a smile at her younger self and pulled a lever. With a _ding_ , something slid from underneath the console. She picked it up and threw it at the Doctor. He grabbed for it, but it leapt from his hands several times before he got a proper hold.

“I’ve got a biscuit dispenser.” She said, smugly.

The Doctors eyes widened. “You…are…kidding me? A biscuit dispenser? That is the coolest…” He looked down at the biscuit in his hand. He held it up with a sneer. “What is this?”

The new Doctor pulled the lever again and _ding_ , another biscuit slid out. She picked it up and smiled, cheesily. “Only the greatest snack in the world.”

The Doctor sniffed it and pulled it away in disgust. “What happened to jammy dodgers?”

The new Doctor looked disgusted. “Dodgers? Those are so 1,000 years ago. Nowadays I’m all about custard creams.”

She took a slow bite from the biscuit and a look of delight spread across her face. The younger Doctor looked at her with disgust. Is this what he was to become? Some kind of custard cream loving simpleton? And he thought the business with the Moment was bad.

He turned on the three bewildered strangers in outrage. “Seriously, you guys get what I’m saying don’t you? Creams over dodgers? Is she crazy?”

“I’m as crazy as you are.” The new Doctor piped up before any of them can respond.

“Good one, full respect, but I’m asking these guys an important question.” The Doctor waved his hands impatiently at them. “Well? Dodgers or creams?”

The three exchanged baffled looks. “Who the heck are you?” The female asked.

“Not important information for my question.” The Doctor waved a dismissal hand at her. “Who I am doesn’t change the deliciousness of the jammy dodger.”

“This is an insane discussion.” The new Doctor said.

“I agree, finally.” The older male sighed.

“How are they supposed to know which is tastier without comparing?” 

The Doctor clicked his fingers and pointed at the new Doctor. “Yes yes, good point.” He pulled out a long packet of jammy dodgers from his jacket pocket. “Right, get some of your creams and we’ll settle this once and for all.”

The Doctor popped open the packet of jammy dodgers and threw one to the three strangers. The first two caught them no problem, but the younger male on seemed to struggle keeping hold of his for a second before he got a proper grip on it. He looked at the Doctor, eyebrow raised.

“You just carry these around with you?” He asked, warily.

“More to the point, you fit that whole packet in your jacket?” The older one said. “I’ve got to get me one of those.”

_Ding, ding, ding._

The new Doctor held three custard creams in her hands. She ran up to her three friends and placed a custard cream in each of their free hands. Her friends looked like they wanted to say something, but they were waiting for a pause in the madness. Amy wasn’t going to be so patient.

“DOCTOR!” She shouted at the top of her lungs.

Both Doctors turned around in shock. “Yes?” They asked simultaneously. They exchanged looks, and the younger Doctor pointed to himself. The new Doctor mouthed, oh, and left him to it.

“Sorry Amelia, we were planning on giving you a taste as well.” The Doctor said, sheepishly.

Amy’s eyes were burning. “First, who are these people? Second, what happened to the TARDIS? Thirdly, why are we talking about biscuits when we have more pressing concerns?”

The Doctor frowned. He held up his fingers as he listed off his answers. “Long story. Longer story. Because dodgers will one hundred percent win. And…” The Doctor held up his fourth finger. “…what was four? Was there a four?”

“More pressing concerns.” Amy snapped.

“Aah yes.” The Doctor thought for a second. “Which is?”

“RORY!” Amy shouted again.

“Rory?” The Doctor was snapped back to reality. “Rory!”

“Rory?” The new Doctor rolled her eyes. “Always with the Rory, eh?”

The Doctor spun on the spot, his hands grabbing out randomly, like he was physically grasping for some kind of answer. 

“Right, OK, don’t panic you three, we still have time.”

The three strangers exchanged puzzled looks, but at least they didn’t seem to be panicking. The new Doctor strolled over to her console, finishing of her biscuit. She punched in a few co-ordinates and the whole TARDIS lurched.

“Right, three step plan.” She said, dashing to the other side of the console, trying to keep her steady. “Find and save Rory, agree that custard creams are superior, get you guys back to your own TARDIS. Sound good?”

The Doctor dashed up to the console, holding a button down which seemed to stop the lurching slightly.

“Shouldn’t find Rory and save Rory be two different steps?” He asked.

The new Doctor thought. “I don’t know, it’s kind of a half a step each, isn’t it?”

“More of a skip?” 

“You can’t skip a step.”

“No no, like a…” The Doctor skipped on the spot.

“Ah, good call. A skip and two step plan.”

“Right.” The Doctor concentrated on controlling the TARDIS, when a realisation suddenly hit him. “Wait, what did you say step two was?”

The TARDIS lurched violently and was quiet once again. The new Doctor dashed past Amy, who gave her a funny look, and threw the TARDIS doors open. A flailing body came stumbling in past the new Doctor and fell ungainly to the TARDIS floor. Amy rushed to his side and held him tight. The new Doctor beamed a smile and closed the TARDIS doors.

“Right, step one done. Skip one? Doesn’t have the same ring, does it?” She strolled up to the couple laying on the floor. “Amy, Rory…” She pulled out two custard creams from seemingly nowhere and placed it in their hands. “Good to see you two again.”

The new Doctor walked back up to the console, flicking a few buttons causing the TARDIS to lurch once again.

“Right, should I drop you off just outside the maze? Seems like a good start for you.” She looked over at the Doctor for confirmation.

The Doctor was giving her a funny look. He had been observing her, admittedly very short, interaction with the Ponds. Something on her face troubled him. More specifically the eyes. There was a sadness there. Clearly nobody else even noticed, but he could recognise pain in his own face, no matter which one of his faces it was. The new Doctor could clearly read her older face as well. She turned serious as she turned away and concentrated on the console.

The TARDIS jolted and was still once again. The two Doctors said nothing. This would have been the perfect time for their friends to come in with the many questions they had, but the energy between the two seemed to silence everyone except for the TARDIS, who as always hummed gently to herself minding her own business. 

The new Doctor suddenly smiled brightly. “Right, I’ll get the door.”

She ran to the TARDIS doors and flung them open. She glanced outside and took a deep breath. The coast seemed clear. She stepped back inside and leant against her doors, arms crossed.

“Well then, this has been a blast.” She beamed one of her dazzling smiles. “From the past, that is.”

“Wait, we’re not going out there?” The older man asked. “Sounds like there was some trouble out there.”

The new Doctor waved a hand. “Ah, don’t worry. I took care of it a while ago.” She raised an eyebrow and gave a sly smile to her past self. “Won’t you?”

The Doctor couldn’t help but smirk. He had a real soft spot for the word play whenever he bumped into himself. Still, the look on his future regenerations face still played on his mind. The thought was interrupted however by Rory’s voice.

“Is this a custard cream?” HE took a tentative bite. “Oh man, it’s delicious.”

The Doctor darted around the console towards his two friends impatiently. “Right, time to go.” He bustled them out of the TARDIS door, his future self looking a bit too cocky for his liking. He stopped at the doorway and turned on her. “Listen, I know we don’t really do this, but, the Ponds…”

The smile faded from new Doctors face. She peered around her past self to get a look at the Ponds who were making their way towards the maze, no doubt planning their next move. The look was back in her eyes.

“You sure you want to ask this?” She said sadly.

The Doctor studied her face. “Probably not, but I won’t remember the answer anyway so why not?”

The new Doctor smiled sadly. “You might not remember fully, but you know as well as I do there’s a feeling that lingers.”

The Doctor looked back at the Ponds. “Honestly, I’ve been thinking about it lately. Our trips together have become more and more infrequent.” He turned on his future self. “It’s going to happen soon, isn’t it?”

The new Doctor stepped back inside her TARDIS, holding the doors. “You know, a wise man once said, “What’s the point in being happy now if you’re going to be sad later?””

The Doctor smirked again. He was also a fan of quoting himself. His future self gave him a reassuring smile back.

“Be happy Doctor.” She said and closed the doors with a creak.

The TARDIS groaned and moaned as it faded from view. 

“You too, Doctor.” He said to himself.

The Ponds had run up behind him, hearing the TARDIS engines. They seemed panicked. Of course, to them, it must have seemed like this crazy lady had just stolen the TARDIS. They had no idea how right they were, technically speaking.

“What’s going on?” Amy asked. “Where’s the TARDIS?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that, Pond.” The Doctor said. He turned to the maze, fixed his bow tie and smirked. “Let’s stop beating about the bush and beat this bush.”


End file.
